Sam and Bridgette's Quest to Kill the Author
by Asujoll
Summary: A ridiculous, nonsensical story in which Sam and Bridgette attempt revenge on me for certain choices I made in TDIC. Isn't necessarily contiguous with TDIC, let's just call this an AU of my own fanfic. WARNING: Minor TDIC spoilers. A One-Shot.


**AN: So, a ton of people have been asking me "How could Geoff and Dakota go out? What about Bridgette and Sam?" I'd actually been considering that, and so I came up with this awfully-written story.**

It was a quiet evening in St. Conor City. It was a Monday, but everyone seemed to be relaxing. The streets were practically empty, the shopping mall had only a few dozen people, and it was nearly closing time for all the stores and restaurants. One such store was especially bare: the local GameStop.

The GameStop cashier couldn't stop looking at his watch, waiting for the clock to strike nine. He tapped his finger anxiously on the glass, the suspense killing him. Why couldn't the day end already?

8:57.

"Oh, come on!" he cried. "Hey, Gallagher, I'm punching out early!" he yelled to the store manager, Mr. Gallagher.

"Sure. Go ahead." Mr. Gallagher looked up from his anime magazine and half-heartedly agreed.

"Score!" The cashier ran into the employee lounge, punched out, and sprinted out the mall. He was determined to get home so he could watch the newest episode in his least-favorite TV show, "Total Drama Island Crossover."

Now, why would he be so eager to watch something he hates? You'll see.

The cashier ran as quickly as his physique would allow him down the sidewalk, not even bothering to alert the stoplights when he crossed the streets. He needed to get home now so he could find out what happened.

He bolted through the door to his apartment complex, MacLean Apts., where all Total Drama characters lived, and ran up the stairs. Ordinarily, he would have taken the elevator, but he couldn't wait for that long. This was important. He made it up to the third floor and to his apartment, Apt. #310, hasted to unlock the door (dropping his keys twice in the process), ran into his apartment, changed out of his uniform, threw his GameStop nametag which said "Sam" on it, opened his laptop, logged on, and went on the internet to observe what he could only assume to be the latest disaster in Asujoll's emotional trainwreck known as "Total Drama Island Crossover".

"Alright, Episode 6…" Sam muttered angrily to himself. "Let's see how badly he screwed her up this time…"

You see, Total Drama Island Crossover was a show similar to other television programs in the past that bore the name "Total Drama". The main difference between this one and all the others, however, was that this one was completely controlled by a fan, a deranged madman known only to the internet as Asujoll. What Asujoll did was take twenty of his favorite contestants from the show and pitted them against each other in his own season.

Unfortunately for Asujoll, a lot of the characters he chose were in relationships with characters he did not choose. Two major examples of this were Geoff and Dakota, who had both hooked up with unpicked players during their time on the real show. To compensate for this, Asujoll decided to come up with a couple crack pairings based on how well he thought two characters could get along. Again, Geoff and Dakota were shining examples of this, as Asujoll shipped the two of them together.

Ordinarily, Sam wouldn't have cared whether or not Asujoll had done this. As a matter of fact, he likely would have accepted the idea with open arms, as it opened the door to a whole new realm of fanfiction for Sam to secretly type in his room. Geokota, however was a whole nother story. Why?

Because Sam was Dakota's boyfriend.

Of course, Geoff and Dakota weren't an official item. Granted, they'd been a tad flirtatious around each other in previous episodes, but the prospect of an intimate relationship hadn't been brought up yet.

Yet.

Sam watched the latest episode with a pissed scowl on his face. This episode was pretty Geoff-heavy, and Sam generally ignored every word Geoff spoke ever since Dakota called him "cute" in the pilot episode. _Cute. What's so cute about Geoff?, _Sam thought to himself. _He's an idiot! Heck, even Courtney thought so. Although, she thinks everyone is an idiot, so that's hardly fair._

Sam was currently in the middle of the episode. The challenge was to prank one of the opposing teams. Chris was the ultimate decider of who pranked whom, so Geoff found it shocking that he had to prank Dakota's team. Or at least, that's what came across to Sam. When Geoff spoke, all Sam could hear was a noise not dissimilar to the one the Nostalgia Critic uses to voice Robin.

Then Jo said what was probably the most unforgivable line in the entire show's history.

"Then prove it by pranking your girlfriend!"

Girlfriend? Had Jo just referred to Dakota as Geoff's _girlfriend_? What was wrong with her? Clearly they were just friends. Besides, everyone knew Dakota was _Sam's_ girlfriend. Sam was about to shut his laptop right then and there, but he decided to keep watching in case someone he hated got eliminated.

Well, in a way, that did happen.

During the Marshmallow Ceremony, Geoff had been voted out of the game, due to his "relationship" with Dakota, ironically enough. Sam breathed a sigh of relief once he found this out, but his relief was short-lived, as this little scene had taken place…

"Waiiiiiit!" Dakota ran up to Geoff and hugged him. "You can't leave me, Geoff!"

"I gotta go, Dakota." Geoff told her. "But if it makes you feel any better, we were supposed to prank your team for the challenge, but I didn't want to. That's why they voted me off."

"Awwwwwww." Dakota blushed. "I'm gonna miss you Geoffy." Dakota gave him a nice, five-second kiss on the lips.

Sam's jaw practically hit the floor. He stood up off his bean-bag chair, not even caring that he hadn't moved his laptop and it had fallen and hit the floor.

Suddenly, Sam heard a knock on the door. Sam was seriously tempted to not answer it and just go cry on his bed, but he had also hoped for the possibility of ten gorgeous babes ready and willing to get physical with him, so he answered the door, his head hanging low.

To Sam's surprise, there were not ten gorgeous babes at his door, but one, which was one more than Sam had gotten used to after Dakota left.

Standing before him was Bridgette, from Apt. #105. She was seething mad, breathing heavily through her teeth.

Incidentally, she was also Geoff's girlfriend from the real show.

"We need to talk." Bridgette told him.

"You're telling me." Sam replied. "Come in."

Bridgette walked into Sam's apartment and shut the door behind her.

"So, if you want to talk about what I think you want to talk about, then…" Sam was about to bring up TDIC to Bridgette, but before he could finish his sentence, she burst into tears and ran up to Sam, burying her face in his shoulder.

"Why would Geoff do this to me?" Bridgette sobbed. "I thought we had something special…"

"Don't forget who he left you for." Sam reminded her. "That no-good cheater, Dakota!"

Bridgette let go of Sam. "I thought you liked Dakota…" she sniveled.

"I did, until _this_ just happened." Sam gestured to his laptop, which was probably broken by this point. "I say we kill Asujoll, right now!"

"No!" Bridgette put her hand on Sam's shoulder. "I mean, I'm sad too, but isn't killing a bit too extreme?"

"Not for me it isn't!" Sam told her. "Look, you're a pretty girl, Bridgette. I'm sure there are tons of guys who'd want to take you on a date. Look at me! Dakota's probably the only girl who's not my mom that I'm going to speak to for the rest of my life!"

Bridgette sniveled.

"Uh, present company excluded…" Sam realized what he had said.

"I just don't know what to do…" Bridgette sat in Sam's bean-bag chair and hugged her knees.

A lightbulb suddenly went over Sam's head. "We should get even!" Sam suggested.

"Even how?" Bridgette asked.

"If Geoff and Dakota think they're too good for us, then we just need to prove them wrong." Sam smiled.

"What do you mean?"

Sam got on one knee and took Bridgette's hand. "Bridgette, would you do me the honor of going on a date with me?"

Bridgette blushed and started to sweat a bit. "I-I… I don't…" Bridgette sighed. "…No…"Bridgette answered. "Look, you're a sweet guy, Sam, it's just, I don't think of you in that way."

"Then I say let's kill Asujoll!" Sam exclaimed. He ran to his room and grabbed his stainless steel replica of Sephiroth's sword from Final Fantasy VII and ran out of his apartment with it.

"Sam! Wait!" Bridgette tried to stop him, but it was too late. Bridgette sighed and sat back down in Sam's chair.

Bridgette glanced over at Sam's laptop. She picked it up and turned it back on. The computer was password protected; luckily, Sam was foolish enough to make his password extremely easy to guess.

"dakota…" Bridgette typed in Dakota's name on Sam's computer and it took her straight to the website where Sam was watching TDIC. The browser had registered Sam dropping the computer as a click, which bumped it back about ten seconds.

"Awwwwwww." Dakota blushed. "I'm gonna miss you Geoffy."

Bridgette couldn't watch that kiss again. She gently closed the laptop, and with a tear in her eye and her sprits crushed, she stood up. Rage filled her eyes. She clenched her right fist at her side and held her left fist up. A light, almost cute, yet still intimidating growl escaped her mouth.

"Sam's right." Bridgette decided. "We need to kill Asujoll!"

Warp to the outside of a large, dome shaped building. The building was painted in four different colors: the side of the dome was red, yellow, and green, while the top of the dome was blue.

"The Information Super Center…" Sam said to himself. He kicked the door open and yelled at the top of his lungs. "ASUJOLL! WHERE ARE YOU?" The inside of the building was completely dark, so Sam couldn't see two feet in front of him. Regardless, Sam charged recklessly through the room, constantly looking for Asujoll.

"I WILL FIND YOU!" Sam threatened as he continued his run. Sam ran as fast as he could, however, being a larger guy, he wasn't able to keep up the pace, as he soon fell on his knees from exhaustion.

"Hello, Sam," a voice from behind him said. Sam got up, took his sword, and slashed in the general direction of the voice.

"Hahahaha. You missed." The same voice said, this time off to Sam's side. Sam slashed again, but his sword touched nothing, again.

"Come on, I thought you were better than this." The voice was across the room this time. Sam charged towards where the sound was coming from, his blade positioned in a fashion that would stab anyone unlucky enough to cross Sam's path.

Suddenly, the room was illuminated in a bright light. Sam, his eyes unadjusted to the light, flinched and fell over. When he regained his senses, he found himself strapped to an uncomfortable wooden chair, his sword in the hand of the figure in front of him.

This figure was a medium-sized teenage male. He had spots of acne on his cheeks and forehead, which was oddly complimented by his shaggy orange hair and sideburns. He wore a grey polo shirt, blue jeans, a pair of plaid blue Airwalk shoes, and a black watch.

"Asujoll!" Sam exclaimed.

"That's my name." Asujoll replied, with a smarmy, evil expression that just screamed "I'm the villain."

"You bastard! Give me back my sword!" Sam struggled to break free from his bondage, but to no avail.

"Oh, is_ that_ why you came here? To get your silly little sword?" Asujoll glanced at the sword and threw it over his shoulder. "Bitch, please. Everyone knows Seymour is the best Final Fantasy villain anyway."

Sam growled at the smug young man.

"Oh, yes, that's right. You came here because of some silly fanfiction I threw together." Asujoll paced back and forth in front of Sam. "Look, I would have put you in the thing, but I wanted an equal amount of boys and girls. Surely you understand."

"That's not why I'm here!" Sam yelled. "And don't call me Shirley!"

Asujoll chuckled. "Of course, I know why you're here." Asujoll's douchey self-righteous demeanor never broke for a second. "Look, to be honest, I didn't even plan for Dakota and Geoff to be a thing. It just sort of… happened. You understand? This is how the writing process works for geniuses such as myself. We just write whatever the hell comes to mind. It just so happened that I chose for Geoff and Dakota to be together. What can you do? I needed _some_ relationship other than Cody and Sierra."

"They aren't even dating!" Sam retorted.

"Nor will they, at least not in _this_ universe." Asujoll chuckled. "Well, what about Owen and Staci? Surely you count _them_ as a decent couple."

"They're not dating either!" Sam yelled. "And besides, everyone saw that one coming from a mile away!"

"Tsk. Well, they can't all be winners." Asujoll folded his hands behind his back. "Even Shakespeare wrote his fair share of failures back in his time." Asujoll paused. "You came here in a misguided attempt to slay me, yes?"

"You know why I'm here!" Sam replied angrily.

"Of course I do. Of course." Asujoll put his hands behind his head. "Tell ya what: I'm going to give you a choice here." Asujoll held out his hands in front of Sam. One hand contained a blue pill, the other, a red pill.

"Seriously, dude? You already made me quote Airplane_._ How many movie references are you going to throw in this one?"

"As many as I see fit."

"Wait, I forgot which pill does which." Sam admitted. "Could you remind me?"

"But where would the fun be in that?" Asujoll asked. "Don't you want to take a risk?"

"No!"

"Then why did you audition for Total Drama in the first place?"

Sam had no answer for that one.

"I thought so…" Asujoll smiled deviously. "Tell you what? Why don't I shove _both_ pills in your mouth and we see what happens?"

But before Asujoll could do anything, the doors to the Information Super Center burst open. Through the doors ran Bridgette, with Sam's stainless steel replica of the Master Sword from The Legend of Zelda.

"Let him go, or I'll slay you myself!" Bridgette threatened.

"Ooh, feisty!" Asujoll smiled. "I like this new attitude of yours, Bridgey. You wanna show me some more?"

Bridgette ran up to Asujoll and attempted to kick him in the stomach, but by the time she got to him, he was gone.

"Funny thing about me, Bridge…" Asujoll was standing behind Sam now. "I'm the author for a reason. I control everything in this world."

"Yeah, well, you're doing a pretty bad job at it." Sam told him.

"What can I say? I'm a sucker for _realistic_ fiction." Asujoll shrugged. "And believe me…" Asujoll shoved the red pill into Sam's mouth and the blue pill into Bridgette's. "This story is going to be _anything _but realistic."

Asujoll let out a maniacal evil laugh as both Sam and Bridgette began glowing and levitating in the air, until they suddenly disappeared. "Have fun, kiddies!" Asujoll resumed his laugh, and by the time he had finished, both Bridgette and Sam had disappeared.

"To be continued, my dear readers…" Asujoll chuckled. "To be continued, indeed."


End file.
